Every workplace has its unwritten rules: certain days or times that are off limits for meetings or a ubiquitous corporate fleece vest (you know the one) everyone dons in the office. Similarly, we’ve all walked into a board room and sensed immediately who holds the power – and who doesn’t – based on where they’re sitting. You won’t find these norms recorded in any HR manual or corporate dress code, but seemingly, everyone knows them and knows where they belong without exchanging a word.

It’s the unspoken nature of these rules that makes them so influential. While stats vary, research indicates that nonverbal communication, not conscious thought, triggers most human behavior. Unwritten workplace rules operate on the same principle, and they exist for good reason: they’re foundational to corporate culture, and when socialized well, can encourage trust, team cohesion, and a sense of belonging. It’s also why employees deemed a “culture fit” are generally happier than their peers and contribute to a harmonious workplace, higher productivity, and thus, lower onboarding and recruiting costs.

But unwritten rules can have a downside. For organizational psychologist Dr. Ella F. Washington, the normalization of job burnout proved nearly fatal. In a 2024 article for Chief Executive, she recounts how, overwhelmed with her workload, she succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep at the wheel while on work travel. She barely missed oncoming traffic. For years, she kept the experience a secret. Underlying her choices, she writes, was a particular pressure she felt to excel as a Black woman in corporate America. Today, Dr. Washington uses this cautionary tale to advocate for speaking the unspoken at work as a force for positive change and greater inclusion.

“Those who get there first get to make the rules”

Dr. Washington’s story offers insight into who gets to make the rules, and when – a principle that leadership strategist Erin Wolf describes in her “unwritten rules of business” talks. Wolf argues that “those who get there first get to make the rules,” and that in the corporate world, women are still relative newcomers compared with men. As such, women represent a disruptive force in the workplace. But instead of asking us to quietly tiptoe down a predetermined path, Wolf urges women to learn the rules for success – one of those being to speak up and volunteer yourself for projects. After all, she says, “it’s dangerous to join a game if you don’t know the rules first.”

Invisible influences at work don’t just shape careers — they can shape lives. The pressure to perform, to never signal struggle, to out-work doubt with output: these aren’t personal failings. They’re cultural mandates, absorbed so thoroughly that many of us can’t see them until we’re already paying the price.

But speaking the unspoken isn’t a simple act of courage. It requires an organization willing to listen and a culture where the cost of candor isn’t higher for some people than others. For too many professionals, the unwritten rules carry an unwritten addendum: perform flawlessly, ask for nothing, and make it look effortless. And all too often, those of us who quietly absorb the most pressure remain the most unseen.

Invisible influence loses some of its power the moment we acknowledge it exists. Not to dismantle every norm or reject every corporate culture — but to ask, honestly, whose comfort those norms uphold. And whether the rules we’ve inherited are worth keeping.

###

Sources

TEDxNashvilleWomen. (2018, November). Erin Wolf: Understanding the Unwritten Rules of Business. Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.ted.com/talks/erin_wolf_understanding_the_unwritten_rules_of_business

Thompson, J. P. (2011, September 30). Is Nonverbal Communication a Numbers Game? Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-a-numbers-game

Washington, E. F. (2024, September 19). IYKYK Culture: The Dangers Of Unwritten Rules. Retrieved from Chief Executive: https://chiefexecutive.net/iykyk-culture-the-dangers-of-unwritten-rules/