Building Resilience in the Face of Setbacks and Challenges/Adversity
“We are stronger than we think. We have emotional, spiritual, and even physical resources at our disposal. We may get knocked down, but we don’t have to stay down.” – Steve Goodier
My definition of resilience has changed somewhat over the years because of the experiences that I have gone through and faced in my personal and professional life. I’ve settled on it, by standing strong and continuing to believe in the steps I am taking despite the obstacles that may block my way.
But it wasn’t always this easy for me and sometimes it still isn’t. There are times when I am heavily involved in a situation and in that moment, it seems like there is no silver lining or bright light at the end of the tunnel. It was only through self-reflection, building a support system of people that I knew would stand behind me no matter what, and becoming comfortable with some harsh but realistic truths – that I was able to really take a look at myself and reevaluate how I wanted to show up for myself professionally and within my personal life.
Starting as a college student was [what I now realize] my first test of resiliency. I initially didn’t believe that I would go to college. It was something I considered because of the natural push I received from my parents and advisors in high school. But once I arrived at Kingsborough Community College, I realized that it was like nothing I had ever faced before. I regularly faced profound feelings of loneliness despite being surrounded in a room full of people. Feelings of loneliness persisted. It seemed like there was nothing that distinguished me from others and after breaking down and crying during a particularly bad day, I realized that college didn’t have to be the thing that defines who I am.
For me to continue with college, I had to evaluate and rationalize that this experience was not all that I am and not all that I would be. As I transitioned through college, I had to reconcile that being tough and being resilient were not the same thing. It meant that I needed to appreciate the tough times and figure out ways to grow through that; finding the lessons where there seemed to be challenges and understanding how I could look back on these experiences when I inevitably faced another difficult situation.
After having the opportunity to speak with some of the board members, I realized that resilience isn’t something that is built overnight. It is cultivated over time by this thing called life. It’s that little voice in the back of your mind telling you to keep going when you feel as if you can’t continue. That’s why I’m going to share some tips that I and some of the board members have utilized to not only help us through our personal lives but have helped us reaffirm our resolve.
1. The things that you do don’t have to define who you are.
Throughout many trials and tribulations throughout my life so far, there’s been one thing that’s always on replay in my mind – no matter where I go or what I do. It’s the moments [little or big] – the moments where I failed to live up to my own expectations or someone else’s.
The moment where I had a setback and thought that would be the end of the world. It came to a point where I had to take a step back, reevaluate who I wanted to be during those tough moments, and decide whether I wanted to hold those moments over my own head or give myself some grace and keep on keepin’ on. And it was during this time that I realized what my definition of resilience would be.
Turns out it’s not so different from how the board members of NYWICI would define it. To us, it means “staying the course when you have your eye on a goal or achievement” and “bouncing back” while finding ways to “build yourself up” after facing a hurtle or setback. Something else that has been useful for me is journaling about my thoughts on situations that I know I will obsess on and understanding how I could have better reacted.
Being kind and writing down three things that you are proud of doing is also beneficial in your success because when you show up for yourself, it’s easier to show up every time.
2. Having a support network is crucial to your success and mental health
Being able to have a reliable group of friends and family members who have your back is invaluable. There were plenty of times where I needed an ear to run an idea by, to hold me accountable when I recounted a story about some situation, and hold me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. It’s universally understood that when you have a support system who is willing to hold you accountable and build you up when you win, that is a crucial part of your success.
3. Reflect, but don’t Regret
There are moments that I can look back on [and still do even if they were months or years ago] and think to myself ‘Oh, I should have done this better’ or ‘Maybe if I would’ve said this, then that wouldn’t have happened’ but I have come to realize that no matter how much I wish I could’ve done something differently to change the outcome of the situation or how I reacted, you fall down a rabbit hole thinking about the regrets and what you could’ve done better.
The role that your mindset plays in your resilience and your reality is the way you will see it reflected on the outside. I loved working in my previous unit so much that I went through a period of separation anxiety when I went to work for a new office, that progressed into depression which severely affected my interactions and experiences in my current office. And because I knew that I could not change my circumstances, I realized that I needed to change the way I thought about it. So I stopped complaining and I did some self-reflection.
One thing that I’ve found that helps is making sure that I take daily walks, whether it be for 10 minutes or an hour during my lunch break, really helped my mindset and helped me to discover new things about myself. For me, this is a form of self-care and looking after myself.
Some other tips or pieces of advice that I’ve learned or received from the board members, who collaborated with me on this piece:
- Leverage your network: Connect with those who can empathize or offer new perspectives. Building relationships and seeking support can be invaluable in challenging times.
- Stay focused and adaptable: Maintain a clear vision of your goals and be prepared to adjust your course as needed. Resilience involves overcoming obstacles and staying grounded, even when faced with uncertainty or setbacks.
- Believe in yourself: Draw strength from past accomplishments and the support of others. Remember, you’re capable of overcoming challenges and bouncing back from adversity.
