The Integration Challenge: What Work-Life Really Looks Like at the Top
Written by: Laura Brusca, NYWICI Immediate Past President, Forbes Chief Communications Officer
A few months ago, I brought my 4-year-old son to the Forbes office for the first-time ever for “Take Your Kid to Work Day,” an event I helped organize. To be honest, I wasn’t going to because I thought he wasn’t ready to be in an office environment, even for an event designed for kids. But a little voice kept saying, just do it! So I did.
My boy, like most kids at his age, is full of energy. He has a very short attention span, he has a lot of big feelings, and he says it like it is – all the reasons I love him too, but I wasn’t sure if he was ready for an office environment, or if I would be ready for my work/life to truly collide in such an honest way.
I did it though, and I’m glad I did. Yes, he was a wild thing that day, running up and down the hallways shoeless, yelling from the top of his lungs, eating all the m&ms and popcorn in the snack room, and his video interview with Steve Forbes was very brief (to say the least)…. But I was thankful I could finally introduce my two worlds too.
The truth is, the idea of work-life balance isn’t realistic anymore, especially for working moms. Add senior leadership responsibilities, multiple boards, and a “trying to do it all” mentality, and it can actually be completely overwhelming and borderline crippling.
It took me weeks to even write this because the truth is, I don’t have time. And in fact, my time is my most precious commodity these days.
So, what I can tell you about integration you ask? I’ve been fortunate to climb the ladder as a working mom thanks to the trust and support of many, and here’s what I’ve learned so far:
Time is currency: Prioritize what matters.
I’ve always been a hand-raised type…. Someone who tries to say yes to every opportunity. However, as my life evolves, my hand has come down a lot more often.
One of my favorite photographers texted me while I wrote this article with: ‘do you have a cowboy hat, and can you get a babysitter tomorrow night?’ He was inviting me to the Zach Bryan concert – and while my old self would’ve been all-in, I couldn’t do it. There can be some guilt or FOMO associated with it from time to time, but I also recognize that these times with my boys are special… they’re only this age for a brief moment in time, and though it’s exhausting, it’s just not possible to do everything like I used to.
That said, there are times when I say yes to traveling or events in the city, and that means that I’m not home for the bedtime routine. Lately, my 4-year old – with assistance from dad- will FaceTime with me, with a big smile on his face, asking: “Where are you mommy? When are you coming home? I miss you…” His dad tells him that mommy sometimes has to work to give him cookies… and toys… and he seems to accept that at least.
My best advice is to be as present as possible in the moment, and prioritizing your time the best you can.
Set intentional boundaries, not rigid ones
One thing I’ve learned is that you have to set boundaries that match your priorities but also be willing to accept it when those boundaries are crossed from time to time. I’m pretty type-A and like to have control, but I’ve had to learn to go with the flow more in life. Sometimes a meeting needs to be cancelled or moved, I need to leave the office early to pick up the kids, and the 8pm bedtime is pushed back. That’s all ok.
I make sure I show up for the things that matter – always – and I try not to feel guilty for the things I miss. Whether that’s an important meeting with my leadership team, a Board meeting or a parent activity at my kids daycare- I make sure that I align with my partner and schedule so that we have the care we need and I can show up for the things that matter to me.
Lean on others
I wouldn’t be able to be as successful without the help of others who I trust. My husband, Andrew, is the best partner and has always been supportive of my career. We both have full-time jobs and careers, and we have to learn to tag in / tag out from time to time. That means strong calendar management.
I’m also thankful of the other leaders and my team at Forbes who are understanding when personal matters take priority.
Clear communication, trust and asking for help is important so that you can be the best leader in life and work.
Acknowledge the load, and turn it into your superpower.
There’s a little secret that moms make some of the best leaders. I think it’s because we have limited time, so we have to make decisions quickly and decisively. We are also problem-solvers – from figuring out how to get gum out of hair to fixing a crisis at work – we fix things.
Making high-stakes decisions at work requires hard decisions, and that’s something that having a lot on your plate requires you to do consistently.
Whether you’re a mom or not, everyone these days is overloaded. We are all asked to check and stay up to date on numerous platforms – Slack, Email, Text, Instagram, LinkedIn – it can feel never-ending and hard to stay on top of everything when people can reach you so easily.
Say it again: Integration doesn’t mean balance
So, if you’re like me and in the trenches of toddler-land, just know I see you. And if you’re in another chapter of life that is feeling like your cup is continually overfull and you’re barely keeping up with life and work, just know that there are highs and lows, and you’ll get through it. Integration doesn’t mean balance… it means making life work for you.
Be sure to prioritize yourself first. Your time is important, and so is your mental health and sense of self.
